Cocky Swagger & A Dirty Thumb: SF4’s Ken

Ken Masters is a dick.  That’s right, he’s an arrogant douche.  C’mon, the dude is bangin’ Guile‘s sister!  Yet, despite that (or most likely because of it) I always choose him as my fighter whenever I play StreetFighter 4.  Today we’ll be checking out the action figure version of Ken from Neca‘s SF4 line. This one is an “exclusive” version, although I’ve seen this smirking shithead just about everywhere.

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What stinks and can be set on fire?

If you answered Lemonjuice McGee to the question posed in the title, then I think you need to get laid more.  Seriously.  If you answered his farts, well, I don’t know about you, but I’ve never ever  been that close enough to smell his flatulence, let alone try to set it on fire.  [You ever had an old tire put around your neck that was soaked in gasoline, and then lit? Well, you’re in for a treat next time I see you, you toy-lovin’ s.o.b.! – LJ]

I’m Novelty from Toy a Day, and things have been quiet on Blog Mash Bash, well, ever since Lemonjuice auctioned himself off to a bunch of wealthy drag queens for a week so that he could raise money to buy booze.  Someone should tell him they aren’t really queens, well, they are, just not the type that rule a country or something.  But I digress. [Look at you, just tellin’ everything you know.  Snitches get stitches, Novelty!…and broken glass rubbed in their eyes. – LJ]

Swampfire Box Front

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Lock & Load: Army of Two’s Salem

I’ll freely admit that I’ve never played Army Of  TWO, or it’s sequel.  However, that didn’t stop me from dropping some sweat-stained dollars on this figure of Salem.  He comes courtesy of Neca‘s Player Select line of figures, and is pretty f’n amazing…except for the lack of leg articulation.  I’ve had absolutely no sleep and my blood-alcohol rating is well below my preferred rating, so be prepared for more pictures than words on this one…

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Radiation and Band-Aids: DCUC Negative Man

Doom Patrol baby!  That’s right!  Negative Man is the 2nd member (Robotman was the first) to be released through Mattel‘s DC Universe Classics line of figures.  He’s spewing radiation and wrapped up like a mummy, so let’s get this review started!

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DCUC Katma Tui: Green, Pink, and Dead

Katma Tui replaced Sinestro on the Green Lantern Corps after he went all bat-shit crazy.  She soon fell in love with fellow GL John Stewart and things were going hunky-dory…til she was murdered.  Recently, she was brought back as an undead killing machine during DC‘s Blackest Night event, and now here she is in action figure form courtesy of Mattel‘s DC Universe Classics.  Oh, and her name sounds like you’re spitting a big pile of phlegm onto some unsuspecting passer-by.

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Wonder-Twin Powers Activate!

…for a big f’n contest! That’s right, Mr. Wes Grogan of isitfun.net and I have combine our forces for a fun contest.  Click the link to find out all of the info on entering and whatnot, and then check back here after the contest is over to find out the winner.

http://isitfun.net/?p=2497

It’s the ultimate contest of the Blog Mash Bash!  Now get yourself some moonshine and write those entries!

DCIH: Disappointment, Thy Name is Hal…

Christ on a cracker!  Here I go and get arrested for public nudity take a small leave of absence, only to start my first return review and find out that not only does the figure I’m reviewing suck, but it somehow also manages to blow at the same time!  Well, what kind of action figure can manage to tear apart all reality with it’s shitastic-shittiness?  Why, it’s none other than Green Lantern from Mattel‘s DC Universe Infinite Heroes series of figures plastic trash.

Oh, you thought I LIKED this thing?…click “more” to read the rant.

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The Dragon Drank My Beer…

…and I’m pretty sure Faker snatched all the gin.

With these dastardly developments, I’ve not been updating regularly with my tyrannical nonsense about toys and the like.  Things will be back to normal soon, as I have just concocted a mixture of fermented saliva (that I forced from an albino prostitute) and good ol’ fashioned diesel fuel.  Give it a few days and the reviews (and delusions) shall commence once again!

King of the Losers! a.k.a. The Winner!

Wow…just, wow! You guys are really willing to do just about anything to get a little taste of action figure goodness.  It was really hard to judge the best entry; but alas, only one of you could take home the prize(s), cause I’m way too cheap to be mailing toys all over god’s green earth!  Here’s a quick pic and click “more” below to see the list of figures, the winning entry, and all the other razza-ma-tazz…

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Welcome To Your Nightmare…Dr. Nightmare!

Dr. Nightmare (of Articulated Discussion and various action-figure-based-deviant-crimes fame) has sent us this funny, nostalgic, and surprisingly touching ode to our favorite toys.  Don’t worry guys, it still uses the term “sweaty cocks”. – Lemon J

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