Welcome To Your Nightmare…Dr. Nightmare!

Dr. Nightmare (of Articulated Discussion and various action-figure-based-deviant-crimes fame) has sent us this funny, nostalgic, and surprisingly touching ode to our favorite toys.  Don’t worry guys, it still uses the term “sweaty cocks”. – Lemon J


You snapped my neck so now it dangles awkwardly to the side

you stretched my legs in a fit of rage so now they’re cowboy-wide

you drew a mustache on my face because it reminded you of Magnum P.I.

but none of this upsets me, I’m just the sour apple of your eye.

And even though you torched my cape and my suit is threadbare to the wire

and called me fat and ugly because I couldn’t fly any higher

and even though the villains always kill me because you lost all my guns

and even though my knees are warped because you left me in the sun

your abuse is my sunshine because that’s how we have our fun.

And though you left me in the rain so my joints are rusted brown

and even though you let the stupid dog bury me 6 feet underground

and though you threw me up onto the shelf with your old socks

where the air smells like a dank room full of sweaty cocks

I forgive all your transgressions because I know you love me so

(and I’m missing all my limbs, squirming away would be too slow).

You could have hammered me into dust and scattered me in a sewer

but I’m your favorite toy, baby, I’ll be here forever.

Or at least until I find my arms and stab you with them, you bastard.


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7 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! FREAKING GENIUS!

    • Dr. Nightmare is quickly becoming infamous!lol

  2. I was like, wait, this is too nice of a poem, it needs more cock! And there it is. xD

  3. awesome can you blowtorch or abuse some DC Classics or Michael Gay Transformers?

    • My DC’s cost too damn much to burn, and there’s no way I’d dignify the Transformer movie figures by every actually buying one.lol Duke was just unlucky enough to be at hand when it came time for pictorial destruction.

  4. I love the burning pic! You even left the burnt out match next to him. LMAO! That’s fantastic.

    The only thing I ever burned was a cheap electric guitar that kept going out of tune. I wish I could say I was on a stage when I did that, but I was just moving and needed to lighten the load.

  5. Lol Nightmare! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: You crack me up!…

    This is the stuff every toy poet dreams of writing. It’s the stuff of dreams…and definitely Nightmares!


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