What stinks and can be set on fire?

If you answered Lemonjuice McGee to the question posed in the title, then I think you need to get laid more.  Seriously.  If you answered his farts, well, I don’t know about you, but I’ve never ever  been that close enough to smell his flatulence, let alone try to set it on fire.  [You ever had an old tire put around your neck that was soaked in gasoline, and then lit? Well, you’re in for a treat next time I see you, you toy-lovin’ s.o.b.! – LJ]

I’m Novelty from Toy a Day, and things have been quiet on Blog Mash Bash, well, ever since Lemonjuice auctioned himself off to a bunch of wealthy drag queens for a week so that he could raise money to buy booze.  Someone should tell him they aren’t really queens, well, they are, just not the type that rule a country or something.  But I digress. [Look at you, just tellin’ everything you know.  Snitches get stitches, Novelty!…and broken glass rubbed in their eyes. – LJ]

Swampfire Box Front

Yes, today I’m talking about Swampfire.   He is one of the aliens that Ben Tennyson can transform into in the Cartoon Network cartoon Ben 10.  Lego got the license to produce Ben 10 toys last year and prompted launched this line of 6 action figures, including this one, Swampfire.  You can check out Toy a Day to see what else I’ve reviewed if you are interested.

Swampfire contents

But this is, after all Lego, and it is a construction toy.  It has to be put together, and look, there’s even instructions for people like Lemonjuice, who needs to use their fingers to count to ten.  Well, that is, when he’s not drunk.  He thinks he can count to infinity when he’s high on the fruit of the bottle.  [ I CAN! It comes after twenty-six. – LJ] But I digress again.  The build is simple – everything snaps together easily, and then you just have to stick the poky things through the holes.  I said holes Lemonjuice, not whores.  Oh nevermind. [Maybe you should HAVE said whores and classed this review up a bit. – LJ]

Swampfire at attention

The constructed finished product, despite sharing parts with the other models in the line, still has a rather unique look, thanks to the unique head, and the specialized poky things (aka spikes?) on his body.  He’s almost a foot tall, which should please size queens [Size queens?! You’re insane! – LJ] like Lemonjuice.  The lack of paintwork makes the overall look rather plain, but there are molded details on the parts that gives it some relief (no, not relief in that sense, LJ.  Relief as in contours.  And no,  not contours as in curves.  *sigh* Nevermind.)  The pale green color is weird for Lego – it would have been better if a darker shade of green was used for the figure.

Thanks to the fact that the figure is built from parts that snap together at a hinged ball joint, the figure has an excellent set of articulations (articulations, LJ, articulations, please keep your mind out of the gutter) [I have no clue what other “articulation” you could be meaning.  Weirdo. – LJ] that provide a good range of motions.  The figure could be posed in a variety of way from standing on one leg to standing doggie style on all fours.  I have no idea if it can do missionary, LJ, sorry. [I never said I wanted to fuck this thing…only that it appeared that it COULD be fucked. – LJ]

You do the hokey pokey

This is my least favorite Ben 10 Lego so far.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s still great, but it’s nowhere near as great as some of the other stuff that I’ve opened this week.  Nevertheless, thanks to its glow in the dark parts, this figure will still go up on my gitd shelf for display.  And if Lemonjuice wants to get some?  Well, he’ll just have to get some of his own. [I don’t.  The last thing I need is a bunch of glowing toys attracting the cops. – LJ]

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5 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. How often do you get a review that is more fun than the toy itself? Nice one guys

    • Thanks. 🙂

    • Thanks. It’s always fun writing for Hobotastic.

  2. This review make me wonder is if there are hardcore criminals or serial killers that collect toys too. Would make one hell of an interesting interview.

    • There probably are, but they’re probably just into My Little Pony or those crappy Batman Brave & The Bold figures. 🙂


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