Orko: Undercover Pimp, Cane And All

Big cartoony yellow eyes? Check.  Insanely large and pointy red hat? Check.  Letter of name emblazoned on clothing? Check.  Unstoppable magic-turned-parlor tricks thanks to Eternia‘s wonky atmosphere? Check.

Yep, looks like this is definitely the review for Orko from Mattel‘s Masters of the Universe Classics line of figures…the mattycollector version.  On sale day I was busy pressing my groin against various inanimate objects around the town square, but luckily Novelty came through and ordered an Orko for me, like a true friend…or a creepy stalker that secretly wants to wear my skin.

Orko was never one of my favorite characters. In the cartoon, he was just a means to screw up any great plans that Man-At-Arms came up with and his original figure (for some unknown reason) featured a zip-line that would allow him to run haphazardly across the kitchen floor thanks to the oddly protruding wheel that existed beneath his skirt.  That being said, nostalgia blurred reality just enough that I was stoked about getting a new version of the court jester in MOTUC.  He IS an integral character to the mythos after all… or at least that’s what I keep tellin’ myself.  Repeat something enough, while knocking back shots of hobo-wine, and it’s bound to sound true eventually.  I’m growing sorta partial to the new bio they cooked up for Orko, mostly because if he really IS supposed to be a supreme magical bad-ass and is now just a goofy loser then he probably cries into his pillow as he masturbates at night and prays for death.  That pleases me in some small way.

Orko comes with lots of accessories.  Matter of fact, the little blue bastard is packaged with one of the greatest accessories in the history of toys: Prince Adam.  He’s not pictured though, cause that purple-lovin’ layabout is gonna be getting an entire review all to himself very soon.  Orko still manages to squeak out with a few other odds & ends as well:

Flight Stand:  This is a very welcomed addition to the figure.  It’s made of clear plastic and has a slight curve to it, which almost simulates a flight effect of sorts.  The top is a ball which you then press comfortably into Orko’s nether regions.  It awesome-ly allows the little magician to be tilted as if he’s in motion.  the base is a tad small though, so Orko might just topple over like a methed-out hillbilly after his kneecaps are blown out by an old double-barreled shotgun… not that I’d know anything about that…

Pimp Cane/Magic Wand:  Fantastic in all aspects on this one.  Yep, I’m actually really pleased with something!  Quick, go play the lottery, cause that fact and a solar eclipse shall mark the end of time!  It’s a basic magic wand, with a sweet design, a nice quality of plastic, and a plain-but-good paintjob.  It is  really boss in Orko’s hand and helps make him look at least somewhat more capable of casting some magic missiles. Roll the D-4 Orko!

Spellbook:  Sucks.  There, you happy?  It s-u-c-k-s!  I mean, the book is fine overall.  It’s sculpted to look like, well… a damn book.  So nthat regard, it does it’s job.  However, this non-SDCC edition stops at that.  It can’t even be held in Orko’s hand, which pretty much defeats the purpose of it’s existence entirely.  Might as well be a brick…

The Four Horsemen once again knock it out of the park when it comes to the sculpt.  Orko is easily recognizable as the lil’ Trollan pest that he is.  Being comic relief on the show (and in his whole damn universe) makes him much more traditional in his cartoon look.  The sculptors managed to walk the line though and Orko fits in perfectly next to the burly bad-asses that fight their way across Eternia.  Orko has wrinkles along his sleeves and hat, and his scarf is also realistic with it’s folds, while his eyes and rounded four-fingered hands show the cartoon-y aspects of the figure.  The animated aspects of Orko is what shall cause him to be beaten without mercy by Skeletor and his crew while He-Man just stands idly by and laughs, and laughs, and laughs.

Orko scores a fairly decent amount of articulation:  ball-joint head, swivel-hinge shoulders, swivel/hinge elbows (a first for MOTUC), and swivel wrist.  He has no leg articulation, but since Orko has no legs…well, it doesn’t piss me off.

Let’s move onto the paint.  The figure I received has a good paintjob. It’s nothing out of the ordinary, so no need for a whole friggin’ paragraph about it.  I’ve heard a lot of people got Orko’s with craptacular paint on the ears, and MINE DID TOO! AAARRRGGGHHH! I just noticed it, and now I can’t un-notice it! Christ on a bike, why?! Why?!… okay, I’m done.  It’s not that big of a deal, and apparently all Orkos have the same problem so we can all be mildly-pissed together.  That Mattel, always bringin’ people together.

Oh, and as you can see, Orko’s head is still useful for some of the greatest customs a drunken cockfighting coach can put together!  I hope you guys had the chance to pick up an Orko, either from mattycollector or SDCC.  If you didn’t, too damn bad I guess.

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5 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. LOL! Best damn Orko review I’ve read so far. I’m a bit underwhelmed by this guy and Prince Adam. I opened them up and messed around a bit, but I just don’t know how I will work them into my display.

    Orko’s way too cartoony for my tastes and seems out of place with my beefed-up Barbarian warriors collection. Prince Adam just looks ridiculous…

    • Thanks man. Yep, Orko is hanging out in the back of the shelf, all alone and full of despair.

      Adam will be good company for the Killer Moth, as you will soon see.lol

  2. I haven’t got my Orko yet. Oh well, I’m glad you got yours, since I did do something illegal to make sure you got your Orko 🙂 OK, maybe not illegal, but not technically proper either…

    • What?! Ha! That’s awesome!

  3. Tsk tsk, you law-reakers, you…lol.

    Love the D&D references, LJ. And you bet I’m gonna throw Orko’s head on some of my other MOTUC dudes and take those pics!


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