Independent Opportunites: Shocker Toys’ Shadowhawk

Miss me? Of course you did you buncha toy-addicted plastic lovin’  fiends!  Well, I’m back with a review for Shadowhawk from Shocker ToysIndie Spotlight Series 1.  Shocker is an up-and-coming toy company that is doing their damnedest to continue the legacy of awesomely articulated superheroes, which was began by Toy Biz all those years ago.  Sure we’ve all heard tale of broken joints from these figures, but I had to find out for myself.  Looks like its high time I chug some of this Drain-O pour myself a drink and beat the hell outta some kittens get right into this review!

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WWE Legends, Jake “The Snake” Roberts

[ I know there haven’t been a lot of updates on here; but, that’s just cause I got somethin’ HUGE to announce soon. In the meantime here’s a guest review ta keep you bums happy. – Lemonjuice McGee ]

Hello, hobos! I’m 3B from Killer B Hive with a guest review today as part of Blog Mash Bash. Several months ago Lemonjuice cordially invited me to contribute anything I wanted to his fantastic site and now after a few comics for Hobo-Toons over the past couple of weeks, I’ve decided to post a toy review. However, I know the figures that come around these parts aren’t the G-rated, kiddie type, so to do justice to the debauchery regularly displayed in Lemonjuice’s playground, I found a dastardly, deviant figure to review. Who better than a legend in the world of professional wrestling? It’s none other than Jake “The Snake” Roberts!

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Lemon J’s Customizing Tips: Human Torch

You wanna know a secret?  Do ya?!  Well, too bad cause I’m gonna tell you anyway.  I am a toy customizing expert!  I create possibly the most realistic and accurate customs your stupid eyes have ever friggin’ seen!  Today, you lucky bastards are gonna get a step-by-step guide from yours truly on making an epic masterpiece.  We’re makin’ the Human Torch (of Marvel Comics fame) so sit back and get to learnin’ cause class is in session!

Who’s that? My friends, THAT is our victim base body.

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Published in: on September 19, 2010 at 12:28 pm  Comments (9)  
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Hobo-Toons: Peeping Tom-Klops

[ 3B, of Killer B Hive, has become a staple around here with these cartoons.  However, this was a kinda-sorta  collaboration. Which means that with our combined might we can…well, we can make toys into perverts, that’s what! – Lemonjuice McGee ]

They made a figure of Lemonjuice and called it The Tramp?

[ You are about to read something that doesn’t usually appear on this site.  Novelty has written a guest-blog in which I do NOT threaten to have him raped with broken glass. Possibly because the figure he’s reviewing is so f’n amazing that women (and men) everywhere would rub it on their genitals if given half a chance.  How do I know?  Cause it’s a figure of ME… sort of. – Lemonjuice McGee ]

I couldn’t believe my eyes as well. There in front of me was a figure of Lemonjuice McGee. Of course, they could neither call it Lemonjuice or Hobotastic due to copyright reasons, hence that’s why there’s the generic name “The Tramp” on the figure. I’m Novelty from Toy A Day, and you’re reading this review of Dick Tracy‘s The Tramp aka Lemonjuice McGee.

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Old Timey Toys: Marvel Legends Nightcrawler

Today’s alcohol-fueled fever dream has got me reminiscing about Toy BizMarvel Legends.  Those figures were pretty much the pinnacle of comic book-based figure collecting.  Hell, a LOT of people will tell you that they still haven’t been surpassed.  In a lot of ways they’d be right, but in a lot of ways they can go to hell!  Today we’re lookin’ at Nightcrawler.  He’s got 5 points of articulation in each foot!  I don’t think I even have that much movement in my own foot, what after the frostbite debacle of 89 and the ax incident of 97…

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Published in: on September 14, 2010 at 9:14 pm  Comments (8)  
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M.U. Winter Soldier: Amputated Assassin

Those dirty Russians!  Always stealin’ our half-dead sidekicks, tossin’ cybernetic arms on em, and sendin’ em out to kill.  Just who the hell do they think they are?!  What’s that?  Badasses?  Yeah, I guess that is who they think they are… and admittedly, they’re absolutely right.  The Winter Soldier is the best thing to happen to dead superheroes since forever, and we owe it all to the KGB.  Let’s see if Hasbro‘s Marvel Universe figure can properly represent Mother Russia in all her covert glory…

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Published in: on September 13, 2010 at 11:06 pm  Comments (6)  
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Hobo-Toons: Venkman’s Little Helper

[ Sleeping in the sewers is NOT a good idea. Those rats just don’t joke around… Anyway, enjoy another pants-pissing edition of Hobo-Toons brought to us once again by 3b of Killer B Hive!  I’ll have more reviews posted just as soon as I can free myself from this swarm of teeth and fur. – Lemonjuice McGee ]

Hobo-Toons: Its Length AND Girth!

[ Welcome to the second installment of Hobo-Toons! Once again, 3B of Killer B Hive has sent me a hilarious cartoon. Its nice having the site that scores all the leftover filth. – Lemonjuice McGee ]

A Killer Born: P.O.C. Solid Snakeeeerrr… DUKE.

Have you ever found yourself bleeding profusely due to a face-full of scratches inflicted by a crazed streetwalker after she found out you were just a penniless hobo? No? Well, nevermind then.  I guess we can just talk about this new figure of Duke from Hasbro‘s G.I.JOE Pursuit of Cobra line of figures.

Read away, you buncha high-moral-ground-lovin’ bastards!

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