WWE Legends, Jake “The Snake” Roberts

[ I know there haven’t been a lot of updates on here; but, that’s just cause I got somethin’ HUGE to announce soon. In the meantime here’s a guest review ta keep you bums happy. – Lemonjuice McGee ]

Hello, hobos! I’m 3B from Killer B Hive with a guest review today as part of Blog Mash Bash. Several months ago Lemonjuice cordially invited me to contribute anything I wanted to his fantastic site and now after a few comics for Hobo-Toons over the past couple of weeks, I’ve decided to post a toy review. However, I know the figures that come around these parts aren’t the G-rated, kiddie type, so to do justice to the debauchery regularly displayed in Lemonjuice’s playground, I found a dastardly, deviant figure to review. Who better than a legend in the world of professional wrestling? It’s none other than Jake “The Snake” Roberts!

“The Snake” hails from Mattel‘s exemplary WWE Legends line where he was released as part of series 2 along with other greats such as “Ravishing” Rick Rude, Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka and the Iron Sheik. Mattel invested lots of cash in creating a tooling library so that each figure has a unique build corresponding to the Superstar they’re based on. The body’s a bit on the slim side, but I’m guessing they went with a younger version of Roberts.

The head scan is spot-on and I love what they did with his hair. His head is essentially sculpted bald with a separate hair piece glued on. It looks like they dumped a plate of brown spaghetti on his head. The mustache is all business, though, that’s one good looking flavor-saver “The Snake” is sporting.

Most of the paint on Jake goes into his tights. They have flame designs on each leg that transform into hissing cobras towards the top. It can be a little sloppy at certain points especially considering that his legs are molded in black and then have white, orange and yellow added. Mattel did take the time to paint chest and stomach hair on Roberts because he’s from a time when real men didn’t shave below the neck line. Plus, it matches with the ‘stache!

Almost all the necessary points are present to recreate the barbaric enjoyment of professional wrestling. As I usually note when I review Mattel’s WWE figures, I really hope they eventually add double-hinged elbows. How are you supposed to pose this figure applying a sleeper hold to another one?

Did you know that “The Snake” created his own signature finishing move that is widely used today by nearly all wrestlers? That move is the devastating “DDT”. What’s that? You don’t know what  a DDT is? Not to worry my ignorant friend because “The Snake” has offered up this helpful instructional comic to show you just how easy it is:

Oh, but Jake’s innovations don’t end there! No sir! He also came up with this little maneuver guaranteed to take down even the most stubborn opponents:

Now, watch what happened when someone decided to be clever and try to outsmart “The Snake” as documented in this comic recreating the historical feud between Jake and fellow WWE Legend, Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat.

“The Snake” wins again.

Aside from the usual WWE display stand with little cardboard name tag, Roberts got the short end of the accessory budget in series 2. He only comes with his pet cobra. It would have been nice if they threw in the glove he’s sporting on the card image. I only vaguely remember him carrying a cobra,  I’m much more familiar with Damian, his pet python he lugged around in a sack. He’d pull his snake out of the sack (don’t get excited, Novelty) and place him on his downed opponent after a match. However, you have to be a true badass (or raging alcoholic) to fuck with a cobra! So “The Snake” gets extra MAN-points for that!


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5 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. FUCK and YES! Great review! Mustache rides all around!

  2. Glad you enjoyed it! I’m inspired to grow out my moustache now! LOL!

  3. Dude would look just like my uncle if he put on a cowboy-hat and beat his wife. Lol?

    • LOL, indeed. Ah, domestic abuse: the last great frontier of comedy…

  4. Hmm… cowboy hat, huh? Now I have a reason to buy that Terry Funk figure!

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