Brown thing, green thing, Swamp Thing

[ Here is another guest review from Novelty of Toy a Day.  It is so full of vile insanity and threats against his life that I wouldn’t even post the damn thing… but it’s about Swamp Thing, so it gets a pass. He doesn’t even mention the figure in the opener cause he’s too busy talkin’ smack. – Lemonjuice McGee ]

Hey all, it’s your friendly neighborhood toy reviewer, Novelty, from Toy a Day.  The other day I had to take a leak in Lemonjuice‘s outhouse and lemme tell you that was a huge mistake.  There were… things… everywhere.  And I’m not just talking about Lemonjuice’s thing.  So be forewarned the next time you visit his boxcar.  I would suggest doing it in the bushes instead. [ Forget to mention this is a toy review for Swamp Thing?! Way to go! – LJ ]

So I thought today I’d talk about something less gross than LJ’s outhouse, or Swamp Thing to be more precise.  This is Camouflage Swamp Thing and this is the toy I’m opening today as part of Swamp Thing week of Monster October back at Toy a Day.  You know because it’s Halloween month and all, but please please please don’t go trick-or-treating at LJ’s boxcar… unless you want a condom or two.  [ …or a knuckle-sandwich! Buncha good fer nothin’ kids! – LJ ] That was what he gave out last year.  I guess he’s either way into safe sex or he didn’t get a chance to use them last year. [ I’m gonna punch you in the taint with a broken whiskey bottle. – LJ ]

I really do like the packaging on this figure, thanks to the individualized card art.  Look at that – all veiny and all and he even sports some wood – a whole tree trunk ejaculating a vine snare.  But don’t tell LJ that it’s great, because he might come and get an orgasm or something after looking at it. [ What?! You’re the one gettin’ all weepy eyed over that crappy “veiny” art, ya weirdo! – LJ ]

The figure is basically sculpted such that he’s hollow, and in some places see-through, just how LJ likes the lingerie of his lady-friends (but don’t tell him that drag queens, aren’t really queens, or ladies).  [ You f’n… ah nevermind. Not even worth it. Where’s my booze?! – LJ ] The sculpt is awesome as the body is sculpted to resemble vines.  The green part on his chest and head is cast from a different type of plastic – color change plastic.  When he’s dunked into cold water, he turns well, it’s supposed to be brown, but I have no idea whether it’s because of age or whether it’s just the design, it doesn’t really match the brown on the rest of the body.  There are only four points of articulation on the figure – shoulders and hips and those are just boring swivel joints.

The figure comes with an unpainted tree branch, but it’s sculpted with a lot of detail.  The action feature is just a piece of string that tightens when the other end is pulled.  Not very exciting (at least to most people, but Lemonjuice has been known to spend hours being fascinated by logs with strings). [ True. Especially when I’m using them to make a noose for a certain toy reviewer… – LJ ] However, the figure does display rather well thanks to the great sculpting.

I’ll leave you guys with this image of a Vampire Turtle from Playmates made a few years later with this figure.  And if the pictures look boring, go take a couple of swigs of Johnny Walker and look at them again.  You’d be surprised.  [ No. Don’t listen to him. Nothing about that picture will become interesting…unless you look at it and wonder just what goes through some sickos head when picking out 2 completely unrelated toys.  I think Novelty has been exposed to a way bigger helping of lead-based paint than we allow here in the good ol’ South! – LJ ]

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5 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. LOL! Great, um… review?

    I had this one as a kid, he was awesome and I loved him. I’d put him in the freezer to activate his color change, though. Eventually screwed it up.

    • Its not a review as much as its a public prelude to Novelty’s demise. 🙂

      • Yeah, yeah, I’m not the cool guy with the gig at MTV! I’m so jealous! Sob sob!

  2. lj, i hope novelty has some ketchup. you know, for all of those harshbrowns he’s serving up.

    this one looks slightly cooler than the other swamp thing you reviewed, novelty, and also doesn’t collapse. i think i’ll eventually get one of these.

    • If you can, get the gitd one instead. I think that is way cooler than either of these.


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